Well here I am again. I have been doing more reflecting and have written this.

     This "story" so to speak are the events that happened one Sunday before we knew what was wrong with me. The first doctor was treating me for a bladder infection. I was getting steadily sicker and weaker. Friends of the family came and tried to get me to eat. At this point I was barely eating enough to stay alive. By the end of the week, I was so sick I could not walk. I was incoherent and in a semi-coma when I was brought into the emergency room of an Atlanta hospital. I thought you might like to know a little of my life. My life seems so boring and unimportant compared to others. I only pray God gives me the courage and strength to face all my good times as well as the hard times with much wisdom and ability. I know the easy thing to do is to give up and say "I just can't do or handle this". But I ask the Lord every night as I lay down to sleep to keep me strong. I also believe in fate and we are predestined. And I think that God doesn't give you more then you can handle and all of our trials and tribulations make us stronger and a better person. Like they say." everything we go through is for a reason". So here it goes...one of my Letters to Myself. A REFLECTION.  

     The morning started at 10 am and I woke up to the smell of strange foods coming in from the kitchen. Today was designated lets save the Princess Day. Upon sitting up in bed there was a HOT cup of coffee and a HUGH cinnamon roll waiting. I was told to EAT. After consuming what I could I preceded to the bath and washed my hair. Hey, that was a feat as it took almost all the energy out of me. Thank God for HUGH sweet rolls. I listened to some oldie R&B station and Aimee sang about every song she knew. using my brush as a microphone. She kept running downstairs and informing me of tons of food being cooked in the kitchen..she said SOUL food. Little old ladies from all over Atlanta bringing food and trying to out cook the other.

    Then I was ordered downstairs...I came. I slipped into a corner of the room and tried to become invisible. Not wanting to be seen by anyone. I was spotted and from 7 different directions came 7 little old ladies with 7 different things for me to EAT. Some things I have NEVER seen before in my life.
I found what I wanted...A pot of collard greens...I latched on to it and proceeded to eat what I could. Bribing Aimee, she disposed of most of the meat for me. (Thank GOD for little sisters). I did do a number on the greens though. I have always loved them and these were extra good. The pot much empty by now...was still full of the juices which we call (pot liquor)..everyone knows that is where all the vitamins and minerals are. I tried to hook up an intravenous line to the pot liquor but was unsuccessful. then I was told I had to drink it all by the end of two days.

    I Princess have done what only other women wish they could do.. I have successfully lost WEIGHT.. not just a pound ...8 whole pounds. And now I am being told to gain. gain, gain. This is a nightmare. I have strived so hard and long to lose weight and not am told I had BETTER gain some back my Monday or else. And since I do not want to end up in the hospital. I ate. I ate TOO much. MUCH too much. I was feeling so fat now... a little stronger though. And I made the mistake of saying the day before " I wished I had some Key Lime Pie". Well how I have 3..made 3 different ways by 3 different master cooks. Oh and I also have 1 Lemon Meringue pie which I have pawned off on Aimee. And she has gladly took over the honors of owernership.
The only Key Lime pie I really wanted was one made in the
Keys the right way......but I must admit they were very tasty. Not to hurt anyone's feelings I HAD to taste a bite of each of them.

    Well that reflection was written about a year ago. To add to the story, I ended up in the hospital a few days later and stayed there for 10 days. I was then diagnosed with diabetes and was told I should be thankful to be alive because I was very ill and a few days more I would have died. It has been 14 months now and I thought I had this thing lick or at least under control. Well we don't always have control of our lives no matter how hard we try...and I have been trying very hard. It seems my sugar level will go up for no apparent reason and this gets me depressed as I know I am doing everything right and still I am having problems. For a long while I was in pretty much control of my sugar and then all of a sudden it starts going high and staying that way.   

    That was written a few months ago...I have since had laser surgery for bleeding blood vessels behind the eyes and still do not know if  more surgery is needed. My sugar is still up and down like a yo yo but I am trying to keep it under control. I go back in a few weeks to see how my eyes are doing. I am praying the leakage was stopped and no more surgery is needed. I guess I will always have to take insulin and watch my diet and health closely. I have decided that this disease is NOT going to control me, I am going to control my illness and like two of my favorite songs go........... I am strong, I am invincible, I AM WOMAN........and, I WILL SURVIVE.

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